Don't Waste Your Singleness

A few years ago, John Piper wrote a book called Don't Waste Your Life. I've not read that book (though I've been told it was good), but the title's had me thinking recently.

I know a lot of you are young single people. I also know that many of you may not really like being single. Sure, you say you like it, but really, deep down inside, you want more. That's not a bad thing; God created us to want to be with someone. Adam was lonely in the perfect Garden of Eden. Don't think that this desire, in and of itself, is somehow sinful.

However, I've noticed that for a lot of teens and even adults, this desire becomes a more or less consuming passion. At that point, we have a serious problem. We fall in love with the idea of a relationship, which leads us down a dangerous road. We become so enamored with the thought of being with someone that all else seems to fade in comparison. He drinks to the point of drunkenness sometimes? Well, I can change him. She could singe the ears off a sailor with that language? Oh, it could be worse. We're in love, love covers all, nothing else matters.

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't cut it. Love doesn't work that way. Love suffers long, and is kind; it does not envy or boast and it's not proud or rude or self-seeking. It doesn't insist on its own way and it never holds a grudge or becomes irritable. It bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things and it never fails. (I Cor. 13:4-8a, paraphrased slightly)

Yes, I left something out. Love does not rejoice in sin, but rejoices in the truth. How can we rejoice in loving someone if they're snared in a lot of nasty sin? It just doesn't work. Yes, love is a feeling, but at a point it's also a rational choice. We have to be able to love someone more than just feeling an emotion about them. We have to be able to make the choice to take the high road and love them enough to just be their brother or sister. Sometimes a relationship is based on the idea of a relationship, which makes things unhealthy on both sides.

It's hard, I know. I'm human (and single), so I realize how difficult this is.

But how freeing! Brothers and sisters, don't waste your singleness. When you're single, you're comparatively very free. You don't have to please a boyfriend or girlfriend or fiance or what have you. You don't have to worry about any of that (though, as I've said, it's designed by God and is not a bad thing). You are free to serve God in any capacity.

I know a lot of you are still under the authority of your parents, so you're not 100% free to pack everything up and head off to Botswana or something (unless,of course, your parents decide to do that). You're still comparatively very free, though. Think about it for a minute. A relationship demands that you please the other person. If you're in a relationship and you're under your parents' authority, that's a lot of people to please. That shouldn't be your only motive, of course, but still, it's a pretty big factor in a lot of decisions. We're supposed to please our parents while we're under their authority because they were placed in authority by God. Add a relationship based on love of the idea of a relationship and not of the other person, and you have a big mess.

Again, a relationship isn't wrong. But loving the idea as opposed to the person? That's wrong and it consistently leads to heartbreak.

Don't waste your singleness. You are where you are because God wants you to be there.

The Sufficiency of Christ

Ashley, you've inspired me.  A few days ago, you touched on a topic that's been on my heart for a while: 

GUYS. 

(Obviously, this post is going to mainly be directed at girls, but guys can get something from it too if they switch "guys" to "girls".) 

In our society today, it's really pushed to be "in a relationship" with a guy.  Even in middle school, girls are pressured by the media and their peers to have some sort of relationship.  We're told we need to have a guy in our lives.  Sadly, this is incredibly prevalent in Christian circles as well.  It's accepted as a "normal" part of culture.  The cycle of break up, rebound, break up, rebound--essentially, practicing for divorce--is considered part of growing up. 

I remember a friend of mine telling me a few years ago that a girl has to have her heart broken at least once in her life.  If taken as an observation about life, it's partly true.  I know a lot of girls get their hearts broken, and for some of them, it's not necessarily their fault.  Yet they still go back for more pain and heartache because they "need" a guy. 

But the need for male attention is a lie.  We may feel we need that, but think about it for a minute... why do we need a guy to give us love when we have Christ, who is the Author of love?  Christ can give us so much more than any human ever could.  He'll never break a promise to us.  He's always there for us.  His love for us isn't tainted by other desires.  It's pure, perfect love, completely unconditional and irrevocable. 

I know it's hard to wrap our heads around this.  We can't see Christ standing in front of us.  We can't feel His arms around us.  We can't hear His voice whispering in our ears.  Resting in His love requires faith, and that's what makes it so hard.  Usually--unless you're like me and you're regrettably and almost totally oblivious--you know if a guy "likes" you.  You can see him and hear him and feel him.  It's easy to believe he loves you.  Unlike Christ, though, his love for you is imperfect.  Much as he tries, he just can't compete with Christ's love. 

This isn't to say that love between a man and a woman is bad.  On the contrary; it's good.  God created it and declared it very good.  But when that relationship is elevated above God, it becomes bad.  We're supposed to glorify God in everything we do, especially guy-girl relationships.  Marriage is, after all, a picture of Christ's relationship with the church, and that relationship is a wonderful thing. 

But most of you aren't ready to get married yet.  You might feel like this isn't really applicable to you.  It is, though, when we think about dating/courting as essentially preparation for marriage.  Dating/courting isn't something we do just for fun to kill time.  It should have a purpose; namely, to find out if the other person would be suitable for marriage.  Thus, it's typically unwise to date/court before we're ready to be married. 

I've probably belabored the point now, so I'll let God do the talking: 

Matt. 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Jer. 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.